Cover that bottle! - Satire

This is a great post from a breastfeeding forum I'm a member of...

Disclaimer...
I used all the arguments against nursing in public and turned them around to bottle-feeders in an attempt to show people just how idiotic it is to ask women to hide while feeding their baby. I turned it around so people could see how ridiculus is is for ANY woman to hide to feed her child. It sounds a bit ridiculous when I say women should cover up their bottles, huh? I hope it makes you think.

The point is, breasts are not lewd or indecent. If you see a little nipple, get over it. Breasts are for feeding babies, first and foremost. The day you hide your bottles is the day I hide my breasts.

"Women should cover up their bottles when they are feeding their babies...
I wasn't exposed to bottle-feeding much growing up and seeing it makes me very uncomfortable. I mean if you think about it, a bottle is a substitute for the breast, and since breasts are sexual, doesn't that make a bottle kind of like a dildo?! Eww, gross.

When I see a mom bottle-feeding, I don't know where to look. I can't look directly at the bottle or the baby because the idea of feeding a baby formula makes me sick to my stomach. It's just gross. And the way babies sound when they eat??? They slurp and suck and dribble formula everywhere! It's just nasty and it *smells*! I shouldn't have to see that! And what about my young son? How am I supposed to explain to him why a woman is bottle-feeding? I mean, he's too young to understand how different parts of the body function. It's going to be hard to explain to him that women actually choose not to nurse, or can't for one reason or another. It'll probably upset him to know that lots of babies don't get "nurse-nurse" like he does. I don't want to have to deal with him being emotionally scarred by seeing bottles. And imagine the therapy bills I'll have to pay for when he's older!

So bottle-feeding moms should either go into a bathroom, re-lactate so they can use their breasts in public, or cover up with a blanket. Sure, I know the excuses....bathrooms are dirty and no one should have to eat in there. But women could still re-lactate. Oh, yeah I know how hard it would be, but ya know, we DO have nice pumps available nowadays. She could get a good supply going for the sole purpose of feeding in public. If she would just use her breasts, we wouldn't have to see those indecent bottles all the time. And if she has a hard time re-lactating, she could always just cover up with a blanket when she has to use a bottle. Oh I know some babies aren't comfortable under a blanket. Re-breathing their own carbon dioxide for 20+ minutes must come at a price, but who cares? At least I wouldn't have to see bottles.

And if a woman doesn't want to go through all that trouble, she could just schedule outings around the baby's feedings. A bottle-fed baby only has to eat, what? Every 3-4 hours? She can just bottle-feed at home, go out, and rush back with a screaming baby if he needs to eat sooner than the schedule allows.

I'll admit that I'm uncomfortable with bottle-feeding in public. And as an American, I have a right to not have to be exposed to that sort of thing. Women should be aware of everyone else and accomodating to all others. After all, our right not to be offended is more important than a baby's right to eat, right?"